I think it’s important for us on the left NOT to gloat. At the same time, I’ve always been a fan of having some fun, both with others and with my side. So with all that in mind, I give you this, courtesy of Daily Kos.

Tip of the Uncle Sam hat to Blogula rasa. This is a good followup to this graphic.

I wish one of my great heroes, Martin Luther King, Jr., could have seen this night.

Dear conservative friends,

I feel your pain. It’s no fun to watch your guy (and gal, in this case) lose. We liberals felt this pain in 2000 and again in 2004. At least you’ve been spared the agony of a Supreme Court farce. But that’s a story for another blog post.

I’ve read a few of your facebook status updates. You are talking about “moving to Canada.” I can see why you’d say that. You’ve heard liberals talking this way for a couple of generations. So you thought it sounded good. But there are some problems.

Canada is more liberal than the US. You’ll have to pay US taxes after you leave, and high Canadian taxes to boot! You’ll have to pay for the health care of other Canadians. In fact, when you start getting into the details, you’re going to have trouble finding a place to live. I know this will be news to you. Most of you won’t have passports, and your interest in foreign countries was limited, until recently, to places with which we planned to fight or at least negotiate a coercive trade agreement.

There is good news. There is a place that will share your social values and live up to your high moral standards. You can move to Singapore. You won’t have to endure any pesky liberal speeches or rallies. No more “human rights” or “chewing gum.” Offenses are dealt with quickly, perhaps by the time-tested and Godly method of caning.

So pack your bags, if you can’t stand the thought of President Obama. There’s a place for you.

P.S. You’ll have to give up your notion of a Judeo-Christian nation, but at least there’s a healthy respect for entrepeneurial money-makers there! And the dollar is more important anyway, right?

So I tuned away from CNN to Comedy Central. Here’s what is astounding to me. The news content is nearly identical, both in quality and quantity. Where CNN is all about setting up special graphics effects, Comedy Central is all about setting up jokes. Where CNN has a panel of talking heads, Comedy Central has Steve Forbes. Where CNN has BreakingNewsTextAlerts, Comedy Central has simultubes.

I give Comedy Central the edge for three reasons. First, the “commentators” don’t talk down to the audience. Second, it avoids repetitive blather. Third, it’s funny.

Read more »

My crack team of math people (operating without Blitzer, shockingly) tells me that Obama will win Ohio.

This is a major swing state. There’s no possible way that McCain can win, given the way things are going tonight. By the time you add California and a few more solid Obama states to his current total, we’re looking at President-elect Barack Obama. Woot!

P.S. This exclusive is going out to Dave Walker, who helped pioneer the blogospheric exclusive.

I’m watching CNN. With Wolf Blitzer. I must secretly hate myself.

Anyway, I digress. About every 87 seconds, Wolf Blitzer says, “We’re doing the math for you!” If I had a nickel for every time he said that tonight, I’d have about $372.15. I’m doing the math for myself on that one.

Does anyone know of a teevee network that is not broadcasting for toddlers?

A true authority has a prediction that flies in the face of conventional wisdom, polling data, and my wishes. But it’s straight from God, so who are we to question?

Polls are closing as I write this, and a prophetic Word has just come upon me to announce that, as Bible-believing Christians have all expected, this election is going to be a landslide for Sarah Palin and the most perceptive pair of spectacles since Joseph Smith’s peep-stones gave the Mormons some wriggle-room on polygamy.

Read the rest, from Father Christian, Bible teacher unsurpassed.

OK, so we’re about to call this thing, at about 9 p.m. Eastern time. Obama is going to win. Yay!

Just as in Major League Baseball ™, I feel the need to do some wrap-up. After the election, I plan to enter a dual season of celebration and purification. I will celebrate a time of hope for America. Meanwhile, I will be engaging in some kind of mental purging ritual after these many hours of Wolf Blitzer, the reptillian James Carville, holograms, sound effects, and vapid analysis. I think I’m going to get a complete set of The Atlantic Monthly and start reading from 1857 onwards. I believe that many of the sentences will have more words than the combined IQ of CNN’s political “analysts.”

But stay tuned to 7WD for further commentary! Do not rebroadcast without permission of…well, do what you want.

I’ve gotten phone calls and IMs from my leftist friends, worried that things aren’t looking great for Obama. I’m not worried. Here’s why.

• It’s early. There are lots of results to come.
• Even if Obama loses every single swing state, he’ll still win the election. He’s not going to lose every swing state.
• In Indiana, one of those swing states, Obama is outperforming Kerry in the 2004 election. This means that as numbers are coming in, they’re looking good for a potential Obama win. That’s a harbinger of great Obama performance.
• The same thing is happening in Virginia. As the rural counties are coming in, McCain is not doing as well as Bush did in 2004. Expect an even bigger jump once Richmond and the Washington suburbs report. It’s possible that Obama will win Virginia, which would be huge.

On another note. Wolf Blitzer can’t shut up about the technology. Suzanne Malveux (or something like that, since I can’t be bothered to look it up) is on screen. NOT as a hologram! That’s good, right? The only problem is that Wolf had to point out how great Suzanne’s microphone was. I’m not making this up. “Suzanne, we heard every word you said… These are the same microphones we used at the convention…” You can forget any actual analysis when the commentators are fixated on holographic microphones.

So we liberals may see a pyrrhic victory this evening. We’ll win the White House but lose the intellectual life of our nation.

Sure, we might have our first African-American president ever. But the REAL legacy of this night will be the CNN hologram. This will be recorded in history as the moment America — as a nation — jumped the shark.

I’m watching Wolf Blitzer. I’m not sure why. Jessica somebody-or-other is appearing on the show as a “hologram.” She is free of “distracting” “local scenery” so that she can appear with Wolf as a ghoulish presence. All we need is R2D2 and the effect will be complete.

If the BBC ever does something like this, the world will end. It’s bad enough with CNN. As soon as I can get a screen grab, I’ll post it here. See my other post on the dumbification of America.

By the way, I’m going to be the first to declare: “Wolf Blitzer is a chucklehead.”

Illustration courtesy of Gizmodo.

UPDATE: I got the screen grab from the always-witty Wonkette.

It’s election night! Time to watch some results and see who our next fearless leader will be. Of course, plain old numbers just won’t do. People can’t be expected to actually understand the Electoral College or the difference between election results and exit polls. So to solve this problem, the teevee people have really stepped things up. PBS-style “conversation” will not be tolerated. Tim Russert (R.I.P.) and his ilk will not be allowed on set with a mere white board and marker. No, no, no. We must have three-dimensional graphics! We need HD bonus information! We need fancy touch-screen super-maps! We must have, in order to survive, giant animated bar graphs on the sides of buildings!

Don’t believe me? Turn on the teevee. And visit the Wired Gadget Lab.