Seven whole days

As many of you will know by now, I’m involved with Lent Madness this year. What’s Lent Madness, you say? It’s a fun-filled way to learn a bit about saints. Inspired by college baskbetball’s March Madness, in Lent Madness 32 saints battle it out as readers vote for their favorite saints. Only one saint will be awarded the coveted Golden Halo!

Here’s the thing. Lent Madness was created by my archnemesis, Fr. Tim Schenck. Of course, everyone has a good idea now and then. So why am I working with him? Remember the old saying: keep your friends close, and your archnemesis closer.

Actually, Forward Movement is partnering with Tim this year to kick Lent Madness up a notch. We have a great website set up and a panel of eight excellent celebrity bloggers. It’s going to be terrific fun. And people will get interested in the saints and their stories, which is what counts. Already, someone I know is taking another look at the Episcopal Church because of Lent Madness. “My church would never loosen up and do something like that. And yet you are simply sharing the Christian story in a new way.” Precisely.

That’s why Forward Movement is in. I’m all about us finding new ways to engage people as disciples. Back in 1935, pamphlets were cutting edge. Today it’s Lent Madness. In a couple of months, it’s smartphone apps. This is almost too fun.

Back in 2004, Forward Movement published “Calendar of Saints” by David Veal. It’s a set of meditations on the lives of saints — a hagiography that doesn’t require a theology degree to enjoy. Alas, the book has gone out of print. Good news is that we’re going to be updating this book and issuing an expanded version to include all saints who are currently in Lesser Feasts & Fasts. Should be ready very soon. In fact, I’m spending all day today on this project, adding a few hagiographies for some of the more recent additions to our sanctoral calendar. Here’s a sample from the book — for today’s Feast of the Conversion of St. Paul the Apostle.

Paul: Apostle to the Gentiles

Paul has been called by some modern writers “the true founder of the church” and even “the first Christian.” Although we may reject such statements as exaggerations, they do reflect the enormous importance of this man in the development of our faith and our community in history.

The occasion of Paul’s conversion has long been regarded as a major turning point in Christian history. He had been an enthusiastic Jew, a Pharisee, in fact, and had studied under one of the great Rabbis of his day, Gamaliel. He advocated and witnessed the stoning of Stephen (see December 26) and was enroute to Damascus to assist in the further persecution of the Christians there when his dramatic conversion took place.

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If Stephen Colbert can do it, then I can do it. My rationale? I have been called the “Rupert Murdoch of the Episcopal Church.” We media moguls have to take bold steps.

It’s pretty obvious why it’s awesome to run a Super PAC. Basically, I plan to lavishly spend money on my own personal interests — advancing my own political whims — with virtually no accountability. The Supreme Court has handed a golden, diamond-encrusted platinum stuffed gift to every fatcat lobbyist and wannabe influencer in the land in their “Citizens United” decision.

So please start writing seven-figure checks. Not counting cents or punctuation. What can I promise? Total anonymity for you, and plenty of political favor. Oh, and lots of glam for me. But that’s how it works.

Here’s my lobbying agenda:

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Today the church remembers Phillips Brooks, famously rector of Trinity Church, Copley Square in Boston and late bishop of Massachusetts. More than these things, he is remembered as a phenomenal preacher. Here’s a bit from the NY Times:

Long before 12 o’clock yesterday every seat was occupied in Trinity Church, and when the Rev. Phillips Brooks ascended the pulpit at five minutes after the noon hour, the space set apart for standing room was entirely preempted. For the first time in the history of the parish the public were permitted to occupy the choir stalls in the chancel, while hundreds were turned away, unable to gain admission to the church.

When’s the last time you heard an Episcopal preacher good enough to get that kind of result? Brooks didn’t pack them in because of his great style; he was pretty widely panned in the art of sermon delivery, known for rapid-fire speech more so than any kind of booming voice.

Laura Toepfer has some thoughtful reflections on preaching and Phillips Brooks on her blog today. Check it out.

I’m still pondering the abysmal state of preaching in our church today. At some point, I’ll have things to say here on 7WD. Until then, please share your thoughts, hopes, and ideas for great preaching. We could all use some of it.

Wave of the preaching bands to Creedal Christian for the NY Times quote. Creedal Christian also has some fantastic Brooks quotes.

Possible Republican campaign poster

I know it sounds shocking, but poor fiscal management is not the greatest immediate threat from GOP presidential candidates to me and my friends. It’s not even their complete absence of actual family values and its companion, blatant hypocrisy. Here’s the frightening truth: there is every chance a Republican president will demand the death penalty for drinking coffee.

You think I’m being alarmist, right? Well, read on my friends. Consider some facts: Newt Gingrich was speaking against the opening of a Starbucks franchise when he said that Starbucks is part of a “Liberal cultural-political offensive designed to undermine and destroy our civilization.” Now if you think something is a threat to civilization, wouldn’t you do anything to stop it?

Then there’s well-known serial killer Mitt Romney whose religion is famous for opposing coffee consumption as a moral evil. If you’ve killed once, killing again isn’t so hard. See where this is going? Stay with me: it gets worse.

Ron Paul finds Starbucks useful, but only as part of his culture of half-truth and outright deception. He wants everyone who orders at Starbucks to give their name as “Ron Paul.” It is increasingly difficult to write satire. (Since Ron Paul likes everyone saying their name is Ron Paul, he should watch Being John Malkovich sometime. He’d get a kick out it.)

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John the Baptist got a quick mention in today’s Gospel reading. Later this afternoon, I spied a related item on cincinnati.com. It seems that there’s a local exhibition: The Art of Hair. The opening reception apparently featured some wild designs, including this dress made entirely of hair. Check out the whole roundup of photos.

Good to know that if there’s ever a need for a dress-wearing, hair-shirt-liking prophet, the problem has already been solved. John/Jane the Baptist’s diet is almost mainstream. One begins to wonder if he (or she) would have to kick it up a notch to get noticed these days.

I love the story of Jonah, a tiny sliver of which pops up in tomorrow’s lectionary. Here’s some lovely art with panels that tell much of Jonah’s story. The artist is John August Swanson.

Last fall I preached about Jonah (and the Gospel reading for that Sunday). Pretty much any time I have a chance to talk about Jonah, I’m going to do it. It’s not a story about a guy who got swallowed by a fish. It’s a story about a person’s struggle to follow God and God’s faithfulness. Trivia point: Jonah is the only 100% successful prophet in the entire Bible. Only Jonah manages to show up, to tell people to repent, and then to see the whole city do just that. There’s more I could say.

Instead, I give you some videos, ranging from sublime to ridiculous.

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It’s been a while since I pointed out the error, sin, and folly of my archnemesis. However, when he recently posted a Facebook status update linking to his own blog post about annoying Facebook status updates, I was “inspired” to write. You see, Fr. Tim Schenck has struck a nerve. It seems that the Facebook status updates which annoy him are pretty much exactly the things that the rest of us do on Facebook.

So in the spirit of pointing out the faults of others, in venerable Christian tradition, I’ve decided to post the Top Nine Annoying Blog Post Topics. I hope it is edifying. If not, check back again someday when I might possibly post something substantive, probably not involving my archnemesis.

1. Posts about Goose Gate. Yes, this is the media circus that Tim created when he decided to hold a service of Holy Eucharist in a well-known hunting area. It just won’t stop. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. In this case, gander does not mean blogosphere.

2. Carrying on internet memes long past their prime. Last week, everyone was buzzing about “Sh** [insert category of people] say”. I posted Sh** seminarians say. That was last week. This week, Tim writes Sh** rectors say. Dude, try it a week earlier next time. Credit where credit is due: your list was awesome, and I may or may not have said many of those things.

3. Posts with pictures of the parish photo copier. I am not making this up.

4. Ferrets. Anything about ferrets.

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Not long ago, a reader here on 7WD left a disturbing comment. She wrote, “…this still made me actually laugh out loud. Not the LOL kind, but the real kind.” Get that, she was undermining the plain meaning of a text messaging shorthand. LOL = “Laugh out loud,” right? Wrong.

This commenter treats LOL as if it shouldn’t be taken literally. Well, let me tell you, dear reader, if I can’t trust every single thing I read on the internets or on my phone, I have a big problem. There’s a time-honored and well tested approach to this kind of problem, and it’s the one I intend to pursue.

Schism. It’s decisive, and it’s certainly going to be good for me.

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I have nothing further to add to this Hegelian dialectial discourse. It is awesome.

Hat tip to an Austin friend for the link.

Tomorrow is the two-year anniversary of the devastating earthquake in Haiti. In today’s 24-hour news cycle driven world, two years ago is practically medieval. While most of us sail along merrily, as if nothing ever happened, Haiti continues to be a humanitarian disaster.

People displaced by the January 2010 earthquake sleep inside St. Ann’s church in Port-au-Prince, on September 16, 2011. Haiti’s government is focusing on redeveloping the countryside to relieve strain on its over crowded capital. Officials are hopeful that the lure of new jobs and housing will help to evenly distribute the country’s population. (Reuters/Swoan Parker)

This photo comes from In Focus, which has a stunning set of photos. There’s another at Big Picture.

I’ve written several posts about Haiti on 7WD, most notably this one about the developed world’s complicity in the problems of Haiti. We have continued to fail spectacularly.

Want to do something? Help rebuild the church in Haiti.

I love the church, but at times it seems intent on doing dumb things. So that’s why, every now and then, it’s good to look around and realize that some organizations are even dumber than the institutional church. Take, for example, the TSA. For my non-US readers, this is the Transportation Security Administration, the people who menace travelers with arbitrary rules, but without any of the entertainment value you might expect from security theatre.

Case in point: it seems that cupcakes have been deemed the threat the national security. Yes, that is fact, not satire. Now, it seems, the TSA is defending its decision. It’s not the only example of lunacy from the TSA.

Slate gives us other (actual) examples:

TSA confiscates a butter knife from an airline pilot. TSA confiscates a teenage girl’s purse with an embroidered handgun design. TSA confiscates a 4-inch plastic rifle from a GI Joe action doll on the grounds that it’s a “replica weapon.” TSA confiscates a liquid-filled baby rattle from airline pilot’s infant daughter. TSA confiscates a plastic “Star Wars” lightsaber from a toddler.

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