How to #MakeSoccerLessBoring

It’s been a while since I blogged, and I was tired of hearing people making cricket noises when I walked up. So here you go, adoring public: something new on 7WD. You’re welcome.

World CupSure, I know the planet is caught up in World Cup fever. Even I have downloaded and installed the FIFA app on my iPhone. But let’s face it, soccer is a bunch of people running around for 90 minutes trying to kick a ball into a net. It could be jazzed up a bit.

To that end, I made a few suggestions on Twitter last night. Some of them got some attention, although I have not yet heard anything official from the soccer powers-that-be. So see what you think. Add your own suggestions.

Also, please note that I hope this establishes my street cred as a blogger who moves beyond church geekery into terribly relevant things such as sportsball. Also, notice how I have cleverly made a Top Nine list instead of the tediously overdone top ten lists, like some other lesser bloggers.

9. Goalie gets to use cannon to shoot ball onto field once per game.
8. Get hockey players to teach on-field etiquette.
7. Make player who gets yellow card wear a sumo suit.
6. Fan with lucky ticket number gets to play on fave team for five minutes.
5. Give extra points if players do gymnastics flips in game.
4. Make each goal worth one million points, so bigger scores.
3. Give one player in each team a jousting lance.
2. Put one of those robotic lawnmowers on the field DURING the game.
1. Put a moat around the goal.

Once several of these have been implemented, you can thank me later.

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3 Responses

  1. R. Westfall says:

    I understand that you took another trip to the Holy Land because my former bishop,Bishop Ed of Northern Indiana, posted a photo of you among the photos that he posted. Why not comment on this most recent trip? Surely, you must have some reactions and responses to it. You could always say what a nice guy Bishop Ed is.

  2. Verdery says:

    I really like the idea of a fan getting to play for a few minutes. And giving some sort of recognition for gymnastics is pretty cool.
    But having higher-scoring games would only “dumb down” the game; having a game in which a 4-0 score is a thorough trouncing is pretty cool.

  3. Right on, as usual, Scott. I would love to see some flips–or hand-walking, too. Much more interesting. What do you think of a larger ball–more bouncy ?

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