What did the interwebs want to know in 2010?

This is one of my favorite posts to write, and it’s an annual tradition. Below you will find actual queries that people typed into Google to land on 7WD. I have not edited these. Because I care about the reading public, I have taken the trouble to answer these questions, which are a select few from thousands of queries which land people on my blog each year. If you look at last year’s questions, you’ll see that some things keep popping up.

Why is he climbing a mountain? Because he’s in love.

What happens when you send a letter to God? If, and this is a big if, you can correctly address the letter, I think you will get a prompt reply. However, postage to heaven has got to be pretty steep. Prayer is free — and delivery is more likely.

How is gun control a good thing? It keeps idiots from doing stupid things. Example one. Example two.

How many oranges does it take to power an iPhone? Quite a few.

How do you become bishop elect? You are either called by God or you are a megalomaniac. It can go either way.

How much money does Martyn Minns earn? I think the real question is, “How many frequent flier miles does Martyn Minns earn?” That said, I’m guessing he’s not doing too badly.

How to inflame bored Christians?
Christianity is far from boring. If Christians are bored, there’s a serious problem. By the way, I know that lots of Episcopalians are bored. This is an indicator, along with our steady attendance decline, that we are fundamentally missing the mark in many cases.

Is Advent a penitential season? Read the collects. The answer is clearly, “Yes”. However, it has a different character from Lent. Don’t believe me? Go to church every Sunday in Lent and Advent and then get back to me.

Is Internet good or bad? Since you’ve chosen to ask this question, um, on the Internet, you’d better hope it’s good.

Is it ok not to go to church every Sunday? No. You should get yourself to church every Sunday if you call yourself a Christian. If you are an Episcopalian, you are required by canon law to attend church on Sundays — and also to avoid dropping the f-bomb on the Lord’s Day, by the way. Look it up.

Is mobile phone a necessary evil? Bible reference?
Now, see, this is a big problem. People are always going to the Bible — written at last 1,900 year ago — for answers to modern questions. It’s great for answering questions about prayer or costly discipleship. It’s not so good when it comes to choosing which kind of laptop to buy or whether or not

Is there a wreath for lent? No! There is no wreath for Lent! And while I’m on the subject of strange liturgical questions about Lent, let me answer another one, “What color candles for Lent?” Beeswax, natural — that’s the only color candles should ever be in church. The only proper option is “bleached or unbleached”. (It should be noted that Advent wreaths really belong in homes, not in churches, but I’m willing to cave on that one.)

What does god hate? That’s an easy one. God hates bad typography.

What happen if internet is jammed for whole day in whole country? People will talk and probably get out more. In general, this would be just fine.

What is average pledge of the Rhode Island Episcopal Church?
It’s the lowest of any diocese in the country, friends. Lower even than Navajoland, where people are actually poor. Our stewardship in RI is appalling, and I’m thinking it could go badly for Ocean Staters on judgment day.

When did Episcopalians adopt Christ the King feast? Never. That said, you are forgiven for being confused. Church Publishing — never one to pay much attention to rubrics — has been producing resources which mention “Christ the King” for several years now.

Why are men wearing purple ties? Because they want to be like Michelle.

Why are we even thinking of letting Sarah Palin run for president? If this is a plot to get me to leave the US, it will probably succeed. A “President Palin” (gag reflex!) would mean that as a nation we have managed to race all the way to the bottom of industrialized nations for entertain-ocracy. No good will come of this. And if you are a Democrat, do not smugly assume that Obama could beat Palin in a campaign for the White House. You really can’t underestimate the American public when it comes to politics.

You may also like...