Worst Advent calendars. Really.

As the entire blogosphere knows, Father Tim Schenck is my archnemesis. OK, maybe only 7WD readers know this, but let’s just say at least several dozen people are aware of the situation. In any case, this means I must relentlessly follow Tim’s blog and correct the numerous errors over there. Case in point: Tim claims to have found the “worst ever” Advent calendar. Bah.

He is scandalized by his little calendar because it conflates Advent and Christmas. In case he hasn’t noticed, they’re not playing “O come, O come Emmanuel” over at the mall. And Santa isn’t wearing Sarum blue. There’s a whole cottage industry around so-called Advent calendars in which the “12 days of Christmas” begin on December 13. Hey, I’m not saying this is good. I’m just saying it’s not all that unusual. (This reminds me: I must create an “O antiphon bon bon” calendar next year.)

Here are a few calendars that make Tim’s calendar tame by comparison.

The Paws Gourmet Advent Calendar. Because every dog is concerned about preparing for Christmas.

The Porsche Design “Most Expensive” Advent calendar, priced at $1,000,000 each. Nothing says “get ready to celebrate the birth of a poor child in a manger” quite like a million-dollar crate of needless tchotchkes.

Oops. This is more embarrassing than showing up to a party in the same outfit as someone else. It seems there’s an Octagon Blue diamond-laden Advent calendar that sells for 1.7 million pounds. That’s about 2.6 million dollars. Sort of makes the Porsche Design calendar look like something you’d find in a gumball machine.

This one shows a timeless symbols of Advent: the Christmas tree. In felt. As a craft project.

25 tin pails. Need I say more? Have a look, if you dare.

Try to wrap your mind around this: a Santa Advent calendar. Now try to wrap your mind around the idea of picking things out of a strange man’s beard. Eeeeew!

Now that I’ve excavated these horrors, I actually wish Tim were correct. I’m sorry to say that there is no bound to the level of tackiness of Advent calendar. And all of these calendars make a mockery of the whole point of Advent. Sigh.

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6 Responses

  1. Tim Schenck says:

    I will get you. I’m not yet sure how but I will take time out of preparing Christmas sermons, bulletins, and liturgies to get you. Stay alert; be watchful — which you should be doing anyway since it’s Advent. There may as well be a bull’s eye on the back of your cope.

  2. KJ says:

    I don’t know. Fr. Tim makes a strong argument with the misplaced twelve days of Christmas.

  3. Please note Fr. Tim indicated he was making a nomination. Surely the committee will consider your nominees with equal solemnity.

  4. MY favorite Advent calendar this year is Angry Birds Seasons (the wintery ones, not Halloween). A new level of Angry Birds each day!

  1. December 20, 2010

    […] the 25th. Not being able to leave things well enough along, Father Gunn publicly mocked me in his blog as being utterly naive and posted links to several horrid Advent calendars including a […]

  2. December 21, 2010

    […] some levity, check out the list of “Worst Advent Calendars” over at Seven Whole […]