What to do if you are a conservative
Dear conservative friends,
I feel your pain. It’s no fun to watch your guy (and gal, in this case) lose. We liberals felt this pain in 2000 and again in 2004. At least you’ve been spared the agony of a Supreme Court farce. But that’s a story for another blog post.
I’ve read a few of your facebook status updates. You are talking about “moving to Canada.” I can see why you’d say that. You’ve heard liberals talking this way for a couple of generations. So you thought it sounded good. But there are some problems.
Canada is more liberal than the US. You’ll have to pay US taxes after you leave, and high Canadian taxes to boot! You’ll have to pay for the health care of other Canadians. In fact, when you start getting into the details, you’re going to have trouble finding a place to live. I know this will be news to you. Most of you won’t have passports, and your interest in foreign countries was limited, until recently, to places with which we planned to fight or at least negotiate a coercive trade agreement.
There is good news. There is a place that will share your social values and live up to your high moral standards. You can move to Singapore. You won’t have to endure any pesky liberal speeches or rallies. No more “human rights” or “chewing gum.” Offenses are dealt with quickly, perhaps by the time-tested and Godly method of caning.
So pack your bags, if you can’t stand the thought of President Obama. There’s a place for you.
P.S. You’ll have to give up your notion of a Judeo-Christian nation, but at least there’s a healthy respect for entrepeneurial money-makers there! And the dollar is more important anyway, right?