7WD EXCLUSIVE: New Dave Walker development

The favorite game of Anglicans who are up to something is to play the victim. Dave Walker is up to something. He is an Anglican. So, naturally, he is claiming to be a victim.

In this case, he claims in a blog entry that someone has taken a folding chair from his palatial tent. He further claims that this was replaced by an volume containing the Holy Communion service from the Alternative Service Book. We sent a crack team of investigators to investigate this situation. This is what we found.

Here is a photo of the spot where Dave’s chair used to be:

Here is the book that was left in its place:

There are several possible explanations for this. As you select the option of your choosing, please remember that Dave Walker is a blogger. Bloggers should be trusted only as a last resort.

  • Dave was the victim of a chair thief who just got a copy of Common Worship and no longer needed the ASB Holy Communion service.
  • Dave fabricated the whole thing because he wanted 7WD to cover him again, hoping for the aura of legitimacy that is conferred by appearance on these hallowed pages.
  • Dave misplaced his chair. Someone (possibly unrelated to Dave) misplaced their ASB next to his tent.
  • Dave is colluding with the rabbits. Having visited Canterbury Cathedral, they may have learned the importance of having furniture to lend gravitas to their leader. Thinking that a folding chair might work, they arranged for Dave to move it to some as yet unknown location. Since these RAFCON (Rabbits’ Anglican Future CONspiracy) bunch are probably conservative, they would have had no use for modern liturgical works.

I am interested in which of these options — or others that you might suggest — is the most likely. These rabbits are troubling with their universal “we are so cute” game. Everyone on campus likes them, including bishops of all theological stripes. Despite the bishops’ famed inability to agree on whether or not they are all Christians, they can agree on these rabbits being cute (and on the goodness of going to have tea with the Queen).

Stay tuned.

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3 Responses

  1. Norah Bolton says:

    And all the time we thought Anglicanism was going to the dogs – when it’s those cute rabbits! Isn’t it great to see everybody agreeing on something.

  2. ginny says:

    There is an international Bunny/Rabbit Conspiracy.

    The day before yesterday, I was leaving work in a grumpy, grumbling mood, but as soon as I stepped out the door, I noticed a rabbit sitting a few feet from where a couple of co-workers were chatting. Instantly, my grumpy mood vanished, replaced by teh bunny love. I motioned to my co-workers to be quiet and not scare away the bunny. They, too had been grousing about work, but they were also transformed by the power of teh bunny cuteness.

    There is not an international grouse conspiracy as far as I know, though.

    P.S. If you’re going to investigate the Folding Chair Mystery, for the Lord’s sake wear gloves! Fingerprints, man! Evidence! Don’t you watch CSI?

  3. Pax Vobiscum says:

    I think it should be noted that the ASB is illegal for use. Therefore Dave was in receipt of an illegal document. I suspect a plant, possibly a grass although the rabbits might have eaten the evidence.

    And talking of rabbits, they seem to be more successful at making new rabbits than Anglicans are at making new Christians. Is there something the Communion could learn from their missionary position?

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